Asking for the Help You Need in Motherhood
Megan Mitchell is a single mama raising three kids at the ages two, four and five. When she is not running after her three babies, she spends her time working with other young adults in the education field.
Connect with Megan Mitchell on Instagram: @meglmitch
Megan was a part of the Empower Wellness Program and she is here today to tell her story and give words of wisdom to all of the mamas out there who may be in a similar position as herself.
Q: How is motherhood, overall, going for you right now?
Mitchell: It’s pretty good. It's a lot with three kids and moving into single parenthood. But overall, I think it's going pretty good. We've kind of navigated all the challenges that have come our way and haven't had too many moments where it felt like ‘Oh, I can't do this. There's no way I can do this.’ It was always like ‘okay, we'll just reevaluate, adjust, figure it out.’ So I think, overall it’s as expected. It is hard though, It's not something that's easy by any means. But it's definitely been manageable.
Q: What does Balanced Working Mama mean to you and how has Balanced Working Mama impacted your life?
Mitchell: Balance Working Mama has impacted me tremendously. I'm just so grateful that I came across Dr. Amber on Instagram and saw her business and what she was trying to get going to support moms. Especially working moms, because I think that generally moms are put into two categories - either you're working or you're a mom, like you're at home with the kids. And really, it's both and it's everything.
I think there's a whole lot of gaps, and I think she's filling that. I'm just so grateful for being able to have been a part of the Empower Wellness Program. That was just what I needed, when I needed it, I didn't even realize it. It was just one of those things that you kind of don't know if you're going to do it or not, so you just go all in and it ends up being wonderful.
I feel like it just really showed me that you're not alone. There's a whole bunch of struggles that every mom faces, and there's a whole bunch of struggles that- even if you're the only one facing it right now- it doesn't mean more senior veteran moms haven’t been through before. I realized that even I’ve been through experiences that I can help someone else get through and vice versa for other moms. So I just think just having the opportunity to learn different tools and communicate with other moms was very beneficial.
“I feel like it just really showed me that you're not alone. There's a whole bunch of struggles that every mom faces, and there's a whole bunch of struggles that- even if you're the only one facing it right now- it doesn't mean more senior veteran moms haven’t been through before. I realized that even I’ve been through experiences that I can help someone else get through and vice versa for other moms.”
Q: What have been some struggles or challenges you've experienced so far in your motherhood journey?
Mitchell: The biggest one right now is my youngest going through speech therapy. It was kind of just unforeseen, I didn't really know what to think or what to do. And it's going to be a slow process, but she's doing well, and we're just continuing to put in the work.
Maybe the other biggest one was single parenting. Because I was married, and I went into this marriage having these children thinking that I was going to be a two-parent household and I was going to have all this help. And looking back, I never really had the help, like I could kind of count on one hand the number of times I had help for specific things like bath time, or nighttime feedings, and that sort of thing. So it's shifting my mindset from like, ‘Where's the helpers?’ to ‘It's just me and I can do this.’ That was very impactful.
To just figure out how else I can navigate and work out my support system without having a spouse or co parents. That's probably the biggest one for me. Moving into single parenthood with a different frame of mind, and also navigating just some of my children's health challenges, which is developmental challenges - I've never had to deal with that before. It’s just kind of interesting to meet so many people that have been through it and get so much feedback and good advice. So those two I think are tied as far as major struggles.
Megan Mitchell is a single mama raising three kids at the ages two, four and five.
Q: What some things you've actively worked on, changed or transformed as you've moved forward in your motherhood?
Mitchell: I was always really afraid to ask for help, because I was afraid the answer would be no. But I think one thing that I really have learned, especially from Dr. Amber, is you need to figure out who is going to give you the answer… who's going to give you the “YES” that you need.
You need to figure out what boundaries you can place to get that support. Because not everybody's in a place where they can help you. And you do need to ask those questions, you can't just sit there and not ever ask for help. Then you're not going to get any help. No one's going to offer you any if they think you're good. So I would never ask anybody for help, because I figured nobody could and nobody wanted to help me and that wasn't the case. It was just all in my head. So I think that learning to ask for help is the first, and then you just have to be okay with the answer being No, because that's that person's boundary in place, if they can't help me in that moment, that's completely healthy for them to place that boundary on me. I can't take things like that personally. But I have to learn who can help me. And who has the capacity to help me and in what ways.
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Q: What's the biggest lesson you've learned, or what has stood out to you the most as you've worked to redefine your motherhood journey?
Mitchell: Just boundaries and learning my boundaries. What I can let people do and say to help me, how do I kind of navigate those conversations. Like, no they can't have six cookies as a snack at 4pm, when I need them to eat dinner. Setting those kinds of boundaries around physical limitations. Like what the kids can and cannot do and what you can and cannot say to them, and then also learning to ask for help and learning who's willing to help, and in what ways they can help. Then what I'm willing to contribute to other people. Like I know that I don't want to go to this family event, because I'm going to be chasing my children the whole time, and I'm not going to be able to sit down and everyone's going to be sitting there with their plate of barbecue, and I'm going to be starving! So if I want to go to that, can I plan ahead of time and like, eat before I go? Or do I just say, you know what, this is not for us this time, and we're not going to be there. So just being respectful of myself and what I'm capable of, so I don't have to push myself to the limit just because I think I can carry all this weight all the time.
And no one knows that it's a struggle, just because I can do that doesn't mean I have to do that. It doesn't mean I have to put myself in those positions. So learning to just say, you know what, ‘no, we're not like really feeling like we want to be at this party today.’ Or if I realize it's important than how can I make sure that I can watch my children and not worry about having to eat or interact with people? That's just an example. But just learning to say, you know, what is going to be a struggle? Is somebody willing to help me? Are you willing to take care of the baby and I can chase the other two or can you chase the other two? Just saying and asking who's willing to help me, since I am on my own.
Q: Has community played a role in how you navigate motherhood right now? And if so, how?
Mitchell Yes, for sure, I think learning to just kind of express frustrations or joys or anything of the sort to my friends and my sisters. That has been helpful, even if everybody's not really in a place where they can respond right away to a text message or something like that. Just kind of having an understanding of hey, we're all moms, we're all busy, most of us are working and it's a lot to have to respond to all these text messages immediately. Also, my cohort from the Empower Wellness Program still has a group chat, and we check in and just give words of encouragement and prayers to each other, and we were messaging just yesterday about some things a few of us have going on. That's really been good just to just remind each other how far we've come and get that encouragement from them. It's really important, even though I am a single parent that I recognize I can't really do it on my own, like I could not survive without people talking to me or being able to bounce ideas off of them or just being able to communicate with people regularly.
I think it's beneficial, especially for moms, because you talk to little people all day. You're always serving somebody else all day, you're serving the kids, or you're serving your job. And it's hard to remember to take care of yourself. Just having those friends that even though you know it's the right thing to do to take care of yourself, sometimes you just need someone to give you permission to do it. If I'm like, ‘Hey, I kind of want to go get a pedicure, but I just don't know… but if I don't do it today, I'm not going to have time to do it for like three more weeks and I just don't know that I should spend that money right now.’ Then to have someone to say ‘Just do what you want to do, there's no reason not to, you're thinking of excuses not to do it, so just go ahead.’ Just having somebody from the outside giving you permission to do those little things will mean a lot to you. Just a little gift every once in a while -have someone just encouraging you and making sure that you do feel valuable and worth your own time.
Q: What words of encouragement, wisdom or helpful advice would you pass on to another mom who may be struggling right now?
Mitchell: I think the biggest words of encouragement is just to acknowledge that it is really hard and cut yourself a little slack. It doesn't mean that you can't do it, it doesn't mean that whatever is hard right now won't pass. But there's always going to be something, so you don't need to get wrapped up in the idea that one day you're going to be able to just coast. You have to be willing to put in the hard work always and you need to be able to communicate when it's getting to be too much. You don't need to let it overwhelm you. You're completely capable of doing everything you need to do. But you have to use the resources around you.
You have to take care of yourself, you have to call your mom, call your sisters, call your friends. Ask them to check on you every once in a while, and you check on your friends who have children. Just be intentional about reaching out so that you don't feel alone in it. Because you're not alone. Everybody's struggling with something in some aspects. Maybe your kids are perfect right now but your job isn't or maybe your personal life isn't or somebody in your family is having health issues. Whatever it is, there's never going to be a moment in life where everything's perfect and don't let that be discouragement. But just remember that you've come this far, you've handled so many things. You can handle this too. Make sure you're communicating with your circle and let them know what's going on so you're not holding on to it by yourself and somebody else can help you hold on to it.
Hi there! I’m Dr. Amber Thornton.
I’m a Clinical Psychologist, Motherhood Wellness Consultant, wife, and mama to 2 amazing little ones.
My mission is simple: to help working mothers balance work, motherhood, and wellness. I want to completely change the narrative of what is possible for working mothers.
Learn more about how we can work together!
